Hopes and Dreams--an addict's story

“When I was a young child I had many hopes and dreams, I wanted to go to college and play sports, meet the girl of my dreams, get married and maybe have children. But then at the tender age of eighteen I found something that made me feel better that anything I had experienced before, crack cocaine. The euphoria was unbelievable but what I didn’t know is that it would take everything I owned, and then it took my soul. It took away all the moral and values I had when I was young.

I went through numerous rehabs and went to jail numerous times. What crack didn’t tell me was that it would take away every hope and dream I had. My addiction told me it would stick with me and make my problems go away, including feelings, it took my soul away, and once it was done with me it tossed me away like a piece of trash.

I am not the only one, millions of people suffer from the disease of addiction and most need help to stop, without this help most will end up in jails, institutions and even dead. How many people do you know that have lost their battle to this disease and lost all their hopes and dreams?”

My Life Story--CD

As I look back there are so many issues, situations and people that led to my addiction. My anxiety and depression played major roles. My mind would be cycling and I could not get it to stop so I would get high. I felt depressed and felt like there was nothing to do to change it so I would get high. My depression played a big part because I have suffered from it for so long and did not know how to handle it anymore. The drugs were my escape. It was hard for me to stop because I have an issue saying “NO” when it was offered to me and even just the sight of it gave me the urge to use. I just felt hopeless all the time and when I used I could forget about all of it. I would also use because my life had a lack of meaning. I did not have a job, I was not going to school, I had nothing to live for. Nothing seemed important. My preoccupation was with drugs. I though drugs were needed in order to have fun. My difficulty solving problems without getting overwhelmed also led me to use. There were people in my life at the time that contributed to my using. The people that I was socializing with were those who were using drugs. My boyfriend and I started hanging out with a new group of people that consisted mainly of others who misused drugs and we just fell into the trap. My old friends all left for college, so I was left with my new negative influences. I am totally aware that it was no ones fault but mine. All I can do is try to work to overcome my drug addiction.

CD

Sarah's Story

I have been using drugs since I was 13 years old. I got drunk for the first time at 11 years.
I have been to over 20 rehabs in 16 years, all ended with me relapsing.
I began using drugs and alcohol because of social anxiety. I felt “different” and was petrified to talk to anyone. Drugs and alcohol gave me false courage. It also lowered my inhibitions which led to my low self esteem now and then.
I have two young sons who are a victim of this premature, because of my heroin addiction. I am tired of saying I am a mom, but not being a mom, a daughter, sister, aunt for that matter.
My entire life has revolved around the getting and using of drugs. Many suicide attempts and unhealthy relationships have compounded my addiction now I am a dual diagnosis. I have lost my education, my spirit and my health due to the addiction that I have.
Today, I am hopeful that Synergy will help me fill the void inside my heart. I am excited to learn how to love and accept myself.
My family is also excited about the holistic view of this program. They have never supported me in treatment as much as they are now. That means the world to me!!!!!

My Life Story--R

“I remember smoking my first joint by the wood stairs when I was eight years old. That summer I asked my father who owned a bar and gas station, if my brother, cousin, and myself could have a beer from the fridge in the garage. He said “drink all the beer you want” as he laughed.

As I walked I walked away in front of my family telling them I would hate the taste, my brother, cousin and I two to three beers each. We all enjoyed feeling the grown ups at the party at our home on the lake. Some more partying, some more drinking, except we no longer asked, we just assumed it was ok. Then one day my dad caught us in the garage getting drunk and screamed at us with out cousin being told to get his “god damn ass out of the garage”. My brother and I were beaten as per usual and sent to our rooms which was worse because it as noon on Saturday and we knew we couldn’t leave until at least a week, except to eat and use the bathroom. My brother and I never, ever got the message. We always drank and smoked pot from that day on.

I had a friend who let me grow marijuana with him and I sold it to fellow students and high school students who were right directly next door to our junior high. I would hide it in the drop ceiling in the boy bathroom, then carried it in my gym bag, then I got into a fight in one of my classrooms and was told to go to the office. I refused because I had a half a pound of weed in my gym bag, needless to say the principal came down and got me and said “bring the gym bag”. After finding my stash he called my father and he was there in no time. He walked into the office, bitch slapped me across the face and kicked me in the shin. The principal stood up and said “Mr. Millard I am not going to have any of that in here” my father screamed “sit the F*** down, I am running the show here”, he turned around and kicked me and slapped me again!

I was suspended for ten days, I pushed and shoved all the way to the car. He took me straight to the barber and shaved my head which was past my shoulders, then he took me in the car, punching me on me my legs and ribs, slapping me on my face, the whole way home. When we arrived home he made take my door off my bedroom and screamed at me for hours. This didn’t work, I drank even more, I felt worthless and I started working our like a mad man, running four miles a day, lifting weights and rowing my boat around the lake. I was training to kick some a**!

I was suspended ten times for beating up people by the ninth grade. I was drinking a fifth of whiskey a day with my friend doing the same. This was the only time I made the honor roll. Nobody knew I was drunk, I sat calmed and listened. I quit smoking pot in the tenth grade due to paranoia and not being able to approach or be around girls. My drinking continued yet I excelled in sports and fighting, I was brought up to varsity football as a Sophomore and was kicked off the team for coming to practice drunk. I also made the varsity basketball team as a sophomore and was kicked off for the same reason.

After high school I continue to fight and drink for a short time until I was arrested twice for beating up people and was charged with drunk and disorderly. My life was out of control. Then things went from bad to worse, my mother left my father and I decided to move in with her, she told me that if the porch light was on I could not come home. I spent many night sleeping in my car. One night my father jerked the door opened and asked me what the hell was I doing? I told him the truth. He said “come back to my house, your mother is smoking crack and dating a drug dealer”. This just floored me because my mother never drank or drugged, she was a health nut athlete. I started drinking to the point of black outs and fighting every time I went to parties, drove on the road and knocked a janitor out cold in a small bathroom.

In 1986, after that I knew I had to leave Michigan. I moved to Florida and got a job and became sober. Obsessed with working out four hours a day six days a week drinking was now binge drinking only on the weekends. My life was better being away from all the drunk friends, and my mothers crack problem. In 1989 I got married to an Irish girl whom I had gotten pregnant. We had met a year earlier and partied like rock stars.

I was a good father and loved my wife, my drinking was still there but I would never black out, I only drank once every other weekend, six to eight drinks tops. My marriage ended in divorce due to my wife cheating on me, I was devastated. I had also been having major health problems since 1990 due to a surgeons negligence, leaving a clip on my bile duct for four days during gal bladder surgery, resulting in fourteen operations including bypass surgery.

I met a Christian girl in 1997, lived a basically clean life, sang at our church and loved all my kids like crazy. We grew apart in 2000 due to the fact that she never worked once in three years. I paid child support and supported her and I working seven days a week. By then I didn’t want a relationship. I was scared of women and didn’t have any long term relationships for six years. Partying the hardest I had ever had before. I was so lost and lonely and I felt I would never meet someone. I always met very beautiful women all the time but would be afraid to get hurt. I hurt a lot of people so I would just go out and get drunk. By then my mother had been using crack on and off for twenty years and was really ill and was now drinking hard because her twin sister died of cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism that year yet she continued to drink. This drove me crazy and made me feel like a piece of s***!

On February of 2006 I received a phone call from my first love, Cathy who lived in Orlando. I went to visit her two weeks later for a drink. We sat at the dinner table after not seeing each other for twenty years, put our head together and held hands, it was beautiful. Like we were in 1982, we dated for a year, long distance. She saw my drinking problem and instantly put and end to it, and I stopped, she cheated on me. Heartbroken as I was it only lasted about a month. We lived so far, 182 miles apart with careers we couldn’t possibly leave, we both knew in our hearts it would end we just never talked about it. The night we broke up I drank until I blacked out. Did that for two weeks on and off and then decided to get a second job to keep myself on track, I did that until November of 2007, when I met Kelly.

We met at a bar and moved in together two months later. I drank with no control because she didn’t know me and my problem. She never really once got intoxicated, staying in control yet having fun with me. I soon learned after falling in love that I had made a mistake. She was cold and unloving. I was left to do all the house work and responsibilities around the house. Laundry, dishes, mop the floors, garbage, mail, etc. The worse problem was the loneliness I felt. I couldn’t leave, my heart was so in love with her. She didn’t go out to bars and didn’t cheat on me. For once, someone faithful. I had to put up with her faults. After a year of this and her being gone from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and sleeping all day and sometimes three days in a row I would get so lonely, I would tell and justify in my head looking back now, that I can go and have a couple of drinks, but it would turn in to twenty or thirty. Sometimes missing work.

I have put her through a horrible time I have been hurt as well but take full responsibility for her leaving me, yet, I found myself so hurt and lonely. I am focused and so grateful that I convinced my case psychologist to put me in PHP instead of IOP so I could get the tools that I needed to take this plan I have, one day at a time”.

Kevin's Story

My name is Kevin. . I am twenty one now and times are tough but I have a very optimistic view for the future as a sober being. When I was younger, I was active in many sports and every sport I played. I was one of the best! I learned how to ride a bike very young and was pretty dependent as a 4-6 year old. I remember leaving the house without telling anyone and I would go to a friend’s house. In elementary school, I had good remarks and I played basketball, soccer, baseball and football with my friends.
After sixth grade I switched schools because we moved. I had to leave all of my friends behind, which made me very sad. It took some time but I adjusted to the change.
At 14yrs I attended a big high school called Lakewood High. There, I played Varsity Golf my freshman year and was number four on the team. We set all kinds of records. My grades also were good in the ninth grade. My sophomore year was a bit different. (I never skipped class), but for some reason I started skipping and my grades started falling. During that period I was tested for ADHD and found out that I had it. Being diagnosed with that my parents decided to switch me to a smaller private catholic school called Cardinal Mooney. I loved it there, it was the best decision that could have been done. There, I became very religious, played Varsity Golf and Basketball. It was the best time of my life. I rarely partied and did no drugs. During my free time I played basketball all night and golfed all afternoon. I was very active and independent. I started to chew and use tobacco when I was 16 years old, but when I took up baseball I quit smoking to chew.
I feel that my addiction started when they prescribed me adderall for my ADHD. The first time that I ever smoked pot was with my two sisters and my aunt. After that I never really tried smoking for a while. But after I graduated high school I began to smoke a little. It wasn’t until my 19th birthday that I began smoking more. And at about that time everything started going downhill.
On August 30th 2007 I had about a dozen people at my place for my birthday and when the night ended there was a girl that was going 80mph with no seatbelt, crashed into a tree and died. I got charged with open house party and that really hurt me. That school year was over, I moved back home and started to work, play golf more and go to school. On October 2008, I began using Roxy’s. By February I told my parents I had a drug problem. I did a four day detox and stayed clean for a bit, but for the next four months I was on and off roxy’s. by June 1st I was using everyday and my addiction began to control me and everything around me. I began stealing more and although I was lying to everyone. I began lying even more.
Even with my addiction, I was able to have a 4.0 gpa and I would practice golf everyday. So I guess I just felt that it was ok.
By august, I began shooting Roxy’s again and using more. I turned 21 on August 30th, the morning after I was in jail. With possession charges.
My life was Fxxked up and now I am dealing with everything head on and I know if I can beat this, then I can achieve anything.

My life story -christina

“ In my earliest memories there are two things that always stand out to me; 1) I was a total daddy’s girl, 2) I was painfully shy. I remember being five or six years old in church. My dad would hold me in his arms so that I could hide my face in his shoulder.

Soccer was a huge part of my life. My dad was almost always my coach. I was always one of the better players on my teams and that helped me build my confidence and be more comfortable around people. The sport consumed my life, I played, travel, school, all-star, rec and even the pre-Olympic league. I would have had a real shot at playing in college and getting a scholarship had it not been for drugs.

In fifth grade I met my best friend Christine. In doing so I was unknowingly beginning my cycle of dysfunction and drug use. We bonded over mutual depression and social anxiety. Her issues stemmed from a horrible home life, a drug addict mother and no father. My came from my fathers diagnosis of lung cancer, my horrible relationship with my mother, my brothers personal trauma, social abnormality and my overwhelming shyness. Now as a young adult I know I was and am bipolar. My dad always acted like nothing was wrong but that was far from the truth.

At fourteen Christine’s mom bought a bottle of champagne for my birthday, my first experience with alcohol. About a year later I started trying bigger and better drugs. Christine and I had out first boyfriends. One day she came over with her boyfriend and a baggy of coke. At the time I was about to start high school. My parents were forcing me to go to a catholic school. I hated anything to do with religion and in an act of rebellion, I snuck out of school and did coke with them that day. I was hooked. Soon I was going to soccer games high, stealing from my mom to get drugs, and smoking weed and taking xanax to come down. When my boyfriend found out he dumped me and I stated dating my brothers friend and dealer, Shea.

A few months before my sixteenth birthday my father passed away. After three years of living with one lung his disease had finally beaten him. I was devastated, lost, and relieved all at once. It horrible to watch him suffering everyday. The day he died my brother and his friends met me at the bus stop. I immediately knew what had happened. At home my whole family was there, the all rushed to me and wanted to hold me and cry but ran to the bathroom, turned the shower on an cried for hours. I could never show my emotions as a child. The funeral and the viewing all seemed unreal, like a dream I would wake up from.

In the following weeks I dropped out of school and stopped playing soccer. My told me that if I didn’t go to school I had to get out, so I moved in with my new boyfriend. We lived in the ghetto and sometimes we had to steal for food. We had all the drugs we could use and did ecstasy at least once a week. I had a close call with an overdose of oxy and coke that almost killed me. I couldn’t get out of bed for a week and vomited blood several times.
One night the guys we lived with and Shea, all went out to steal cars and I stayed home to clean. I waited for hours but they never came back. That night everyone was arrested and I had to find a new place to live. Going home to mom was not an option. I slept on the street for two nights while walking to Christine’s. When I finally made it I was starving and exhausted. I lived with her for a few months, then my uncle and a few more. My overdose had sobered me up some. So I wasn’t really using that much and I stayed far away from any kind of pain killers. While living with my uncle I got my first job and decided I wanted to try and make things right with my mom and go back to school and get my high school diploma. We made things work for a little while and I graduated and took a few college classes at PBCC. I smoked pot and used drugs but not as heavily as before.

A few years later I injured my foot pretty badly and the Dr. prescribed me some pain killers. I started to really enjoy the high I got from them by twenty I was taking them about once a week. I graduated from Percocet to Roxy’s I was working full time as a vet tech- my dream job and had a new boy friend named Matt. One day while on my way to work I totaled my care on I-95 a few days after that one of my best friends, Steve, overdosed and died. We were really, really close, he even taught me how to drive after my father passed. I took his death really hard, I started using heavily. My once a week habit turned into an everyday thing. Roxy’s were the only thing that made me feel better and my boyfriend was only making the situation worse we lived to get high.

I got my own apartment and supported both of us. I paid for food, clothes, rent, gas, my car payment and both of our drug habits. It wasn’t long before I couldn’t afford it anymore, we moved in with his parents, and soon after I found out he had been cheating on me, stealing from me, and getting drugs with my money without me. I broke up with him and he threatened to kill me and my mom and god and was arrested for doing so.

After going through all of this I started doing Roxy’s in way I never had. Smoking pills was my new thing I even tried shooting them. I lost my job, all of my good friends, and had absolutely no relationship with my mom. I tried several times to get clean on my own, I even checked into Columbia Hospital, unaware that it was a mental health unit. It was traumatizing. I relapse even harder and could never seem to stay sober for more than a month. I was so depressed I lost about 15 lbs, couldn’t sleep or eat, and stole from my mom, borrowed money from everyone I knew and hated myself.

Finally one afternoon, I was horribly dope sick and I decided I would ask my mom for help one last time. Thankfully she went online and found Synergy Group Services, Inc. It was the perfect timing because I was close to giving up on life and never though I would be able to stay sober. Now, after years of falling backwards, I can finally feel like I am taking a few steps forward. 22 days sober.”